Tomorrow I head back to Vegas for the Main Event. Friday is the토토사이트추천Players Alliance rally and the start of the tournament. Sunday is my Day 1. Wednesday is my Day 2. After that, if I’m still in, I’ll be playing every day from Friday, August 4th, until the final table Thursday, August 10th. The playing days will be long (last year my day one was about 15 hours), but I’m prepared. History has already been made at this year’s Series, and hopefully some of that history will involve me.
I’ll be posting every day (or possibly even more often if the rumors are true that there is an open wireless network at the Rio cardroom) with updates of how I’m doing.
If you’ve played any online poker at all, you’ve certainly heard all of the above quotes, either with or without creative alternatives of the f-bomb (the sites bleep out curse words, but if you use a different spelling or periods between the letters, the programs are fooled). I usually find it amusing, especially because it often means that I’ve taken a nice pot off of the player. What are you supposed to say to these people? “Yeah, I am kidding you, it’s all a big joke – you really won that pot. Sorry for the inconvenience. I’ll transfer you the funds now.” Would that appease these people? Or, if you get called a donkey/fish/scumbag/dumbass, should you respond with, “Yeah, I am an amateur player. You’re obviously a great player. I highly value your advice, even though you chose to insult me. How would you recommend I play that hand next time?” Yeah, that might needle them a little bit. By the way, how did the term for a bad poker player become “donkey”? I can understand “fish”, as in a person that fishes for cards, but donkey doesn’t make much sense. Are donkeys actually bad poker players? If I set up a poker game with a cheetah, a donkey, an elephant, and a duck-billed platypus, would the donkey usually lose? I don’t know, I think we’re being a little unfair to the donkey species here. Anyway, I’m rambling.
While most of those insults are funny, some tirades can get way out of hand. Among the online sites that I’ve played regularly, PokerStars polices the idiots the best, and PartyPoker and UltimateBet are too lackadaisical. And by idiots, I mean people who say the most ignorant, racist crap that can possibly be utterred simply because playing online is anonymous, and no one has to worry about getting a virtual butt-whooping. I’ve heard people talk about killing the other person, hunting down the other person’s family and killing them, raping wives, etc, with or without the racial epithets. I don’t understand what compels people to talk like this, but sure enough, it happens. The online sites should talk amongst themselves and ban everyone like that from playing online poker altogether.
And then there are the beggars. People who aren’t actually sitting at the table but talk anyway, constantly asking the real players for $5 or $1 to get them started. Please. Please. Come on, man, you have a lot of money. They swear they’re good players, just down on their luck, and once they win the $5 tourney, they’ll pay the money back. Really? Yeah, I trust the guy who I don’t know and I’ve never seen play to not only win money but also to pay me back afterwards. Some sites are just awful for these too, but PokerStars has a great policy to prevent them, and I wish the other sites would adopt this. If a player doesn’t have enough money to sit down with a full buy-in for either a cash game or a tournament, he has no chat privelages. For instance, if I’m sitting down at a $400 max buy-in table, and a player doesn’t have $400 in his account, that player can’t beg me for money. Of course, if a player has $400 or more in his account, he’s probably not going to beg for $5 anyway. Problem solved.
The reason I’m writing about online chatter today is because I had quite an amusing interaction yesterday with a player on UltimateBet. Apparently I’m a cheater and a computer program and I’m going to be reported to the UB authorities. I was playing a heads-up tournament against him, and two hands in the game apparently convinced him that I’m a cheater. One time, holding 5-8, the flop comes out 7-6-4. He bets, I raise, and he calls. The turn comes 3, meaning if he holds a 5, he has a straight also, just not as good as mine. Sure enough he does, and all the chips go in the middle, inducing a tirade that let me know just how f-ing lucky I was. Of course, I don’t say anything, just letting him stew even more. Then on the last hand of the match, I have A-A and flop comes out A-K-x. I bet, he calls. Then the turn comes a K, giving me aces full. Sure enough he holds a king, and all the money goes in, leading to this exchange:
Loser: I’m reporting you.
Loser: Say something. Say something or else I’m reporting you.
Me: For what?
Loser: You’re so lucky. You’re cheating. You’re using a computer program. No one gets that lucky. I’ve reported people like you before. Good luck playing online again asshole.
Ah, good times. Somehow I think I’ll keep playing online despite his pleasant opinion of me.
(By the way, I know that the rolling banner at the top of the page sometimes has a “Cheat at Poker” or “Cheat at Texas Holdem” ad. I have no control over these ads, and even though I get some money when someone clicks the banner, please don’t click on those ones. From everything I’ve heard, they’re all scams.)