Monday, July 22, 2024

Rob ‘n Peter to slay Pkv Paul



I’ll be honest with you all, I am not, nor have ever been, a practicing doctor. However, I know a case of robsavitis when I see it, a medical condition that makes you collapse for no apparent reason. Arjen Robben is the latest high profile sufferer, hopefully he’ll recover in time to face a freefalling Boro.


Steve McClaren’s team are in a relegation battle and the fans are revolting. One supporter ran 60 yards to throw his season ticket towards the Boro bench; McClaren’s considering a £4 million bid. The irate fan has been allowed to return to the Riverside; the Judges in Middlesbrough are a particularly cruel bunch, the fan asked for a custodial sentence.


Boro’s Lee Cattermole shed a tear on the pitch after Villa put four past them, he’ll be bawling like a ginger haired school girl when Chelsea are finished with them. 4/11’s short, but as my wife always says, size isn’t important.


I’m afraid I have to have another pop at Peter Pkv Crouch. Thierry Henry scores roughly two goals every three games for Arsenal, while Ruud Van Nistelrooy scores more than two in three for Man U. Crouchy has scored 4 goals in 31 appearances for Liverpool, an average of two goals every 15 ½ games, and that’s with help from the dubious goals panel.


I’ve criticised Peter Crouch on a few occasions this season, if he ever sees me, he’ll probably want to hit me; i’d better change my name to Annette. The big man has scored 50% of his total goals for Liverpool against Wigan; with Robbie Fowler chomping on the bit, the Reds are definitely worth a nibble at 4/5 to leave the JJB with three points.


Tottenham travel to the Stadium of Light to play Sunderland, the Premier League equivalent of a bye. With or without madman Mido, Spurs have the points in the bag; invest at 2/5. A gentleman’s agreement stopped Danny Murphy from making his debut last week against Charlton, but he’s not bitter. Dan the man’s a 7/2 shot to open his account for the Lilywhites.


Rio Ferdinand returns to the Man U team after receiving a ban for clattering Robbie Savage. It was a harsh dismissal in my opinion; Savage throws himself to the ground if the cost of curling tongs rises above the rate of inflation. Rio looks set to retain his place in the middle of the park, he’s accustomed to a holding role. Ronaldo is back in the goals, Rooney and Nistelrooy are straight out of the top drawer; a trip to Portsmouth should hold no fear for the Red Devils, they’re good things at 1/2.


Like a fat man who runs a marathon, the residents of Newcastle were overjoyed when the Sweaty Sock was removed. Unfortunately, cheers turned to tears when Glenn Roeder was placed in the chair, he famously relegated a team that included Joe Cole, Kanoute, Di Canio and Defoe; imagine what he’ll do with Boumsong and Bramble. The Geordies are useless on the Roed; make Aston Villa your weekend nap at 6/5.


Sol Campbell’s a lot like me, he likes a quick half before going home. Arsenal were solid at the back in his absence last week, they can get the better of Bolton at Highbury. Back the Gunners at 1/2, you’ll be depressed if you miss it.




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